Where are the single men? Some lose motivation; here’s why

Are you a single woman wondering where the single men are? I want to make you aware that there is a certain percentage of single guys who have lost motivation & hope. Here’s some of the reasons why.

Reasons guys lose motivation to find a girlfriend

• They’re hearing nothing but bad news; how there’s more single men than single women
• They’re hearing nothing but bad news; how the average girl supposedly has tons of options
• They’ve told they’re not good enough and that no-one will ever find them attractive unless they become this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this (especially for those guys who’ve felt invisible)
• They hear about what a lot of women are looking for in a guy; the checklists, they find it off-putting
• They think they can’t compete with all the Mr. Perfects out there; all the gym buffs, studs, bad boys, alpha males, ‘high value men’ they think they’re competing with; many think ‘I don’t fit that bill, there’s no way anyone would want me if they have the choice of that’
• What’s on offer doesn’t seem all that appealing (the thought that only single mums, people with high body counts or people who’re morbidly obese is not that appealing to most guys)
• What they see online in articles & videos is quite off-putting; the way a lot of ‘modern women’ are; bad attitudes, judgemental, lacking kindness, shallow, materialistic, the entitlement, the ‘I can get any man I want’, the ‘I don’t need a man’
• They hear horror stories from older men about being taken to the cleaners, how the nicest, sweetest girl can turn into a monster

So there you have it. This is the messaging the typical single guy receives from the internet and society. He may search things like ‘what do women find attractive’ & ‘how to get a girlfriend’ looking for reasons to be hopeful, only to be bombarded by the above messages & to have all their hope destroyed. There is definitely a percentage of men who’ve stopped looking, who are not actively trying to meet women, expand their circle, using dating sites & so forth due to feeling discouraged and de-motivated due to the above. Due you think the above affects motivation? Of course it does.

Would I date a girl with a high body count? What are my concerns?

I wouldn’t judge or reject someone if they’ve had a bit of a sexual past. I am concerned about the following;

1. Does she have any STI’s?
2. Will she compare me to previous partners?
3. Is she still in love with her exes?
4. Can she be trusted or can she get any guy she want? Will I be seen as ‘just another option’ (no-one wants to feel like that)?
5. Does she have baggage about men & think all men are bad?
6. Will she judge me for having had less action (if you’re not good I’ll leave for a ‘bigger better deal’)?

If the answer is ‘no’ to any of these questions then I’d be happy to date someone regardless of their past.

Conclusion

If you’re a woman reading this who’s had a lot of boyfriends &/or one night stands, don’t get cross, acknowledge; many guys have these same concerns. Should the topic of past relationships come up, be honest & acknowledge concerns. You’ll only get passed if you don’t answer ‘no’ or tell lies.

See also

What if I have a high body count? Is it a turn-off to men?

Why men prefer Asian women over ‘modern’ western women

Some may have heard of ‘passport bros.’ Some of you from the UK or USA may well have noticed that young women from places like Thailand and the Philippines are nicer. It’s not because these women are ‘submissive’, ‘uneducated’, ‘poor’ or whatever silly stereotypes. Instead of shaming men, listen to the reasons they cite.

Why men prefer Asian women over ‘modern’ women; what traits are more common among them?

• They’re kinder
• They’re sweeter
• They’re less shallow and materialistic
• They’re less judgemental & likely to give people benefit of doubt; meet halfway
• They don’t have the princess syndrome & sense of entitlement
• They don’t have that combative attitude
• They’re humble, not arrogant and full of themselves
• They don’t ‘act tough’
• They don’t see sleeping around as empowering
• They’re more feminine
• They don’t have crazy checklists and standards & for sensible things
• They’re more co-oparative
• They more respectful towards men (& people in general)
• They stick through thick and thin

What things do men dislike about ‘modern’ western women; what traits that are common among them?

• Acting tough
• Shallowness and materialism
• Entitlement and princess syndrome
• Judgemental attitudes
• Arrogance
• Combative and argumentative
• Lacking in kindness & compassion
• They have extremely stringent checklists; focused on superficial things
• Having a high body count (isn’t a deal-breaker, for those who’re worried)
• Disrespectful to men (& people in general)
• Rude!

In conclusion

Instead of shaming men who find those foreign women more appealing why not ask yourself ‘hmm, what is it about those women men like? What could I do differently (hint, it’s in the links)?’ How could I be a better person? Shaming is based from fear; you have two options; ‘what is it men like about them, what am I not doing or doing wrong?’ OR ‘You’re all creeps and predators who want weak women’ (that won’t make men more attracted to you). I hope this helps. I’m not generalising, I’m saying certain traits are more common among certain groups. To deny it is denying the sky is blue.

What if I have a high body-count? Is it a turn-off to men?

Are you a woman who considers herself to have a high body count? Are you worried that men will find this a turn-off & be put-off & judge you for it?

What are men are really concerned about?

• Men will only be concerned if they think you’re the type who can get any man they want & they could be seen as disposable (no-one wants to feel disposable, replaceable, trade-up-able, do you women?)
• If you have such an easy time dating and meeting people that you take it for-granted (that he may have struggled to meet people, you might not relate)
• Being compared to previous partners
• You’ll judge and compare (‘at this age you should have had x, y, z by now’)

A high body count is only a turn-off if;

• You have the attitude that all men are bad (it’s unfortunate if you’ve had bad experiences of men)
• You appear that you can get any guy you want & that he’ll be nothing more than a disposable relationship (guys who’re looking for pump-and-dump won’t mind this)
• You judge men who’re less sexually-experienced than you & make them feel pressure
• You don’t relate to what it’s like to struggle meeting people, feel awkward, opening-up to people,struggling to get to know people intimately (having a high body count shows you can do this with ease and won’t relate)

I hope this helps

These are some of my reasons I find it off-putting when a woman has had a lot of ‘action’ (& especially takes it for-granted). I can’t comment for all guys but this is relatable. This blog is mostly aimed at guys who’ve struggled with social anxiety and loneliness, I do stuff aimed at women to try and help relate & notice commonalities. If you’re a woman with a high body count (past is past you can’t change) do relate to the above, pay attention to reasons why high body count can be a turn-off.

What am I looking for in a woman?

I saw a video about dating recently where the interviewer asked this woman ‘what do you bring to the table’. The things she thought men are looking for are not things important to me (‘driven’, ambitious’ etc.).

What am I looking for (beyond looks)?

• Kindness
• Empathetic and ability to put oneself in other people’s shoes
• Non-judgemental
• Shares common interests
• Fun to be around
• Don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells
• Someone who’ll be a good friend; not just fair-weather
• Who hasn’t fooled around a lot (even if they have; they don’t see intimate partners as disposable and replaceable)
• Doesn’t sleep around (or at very least will feel very uncomfortable with someone she doesn’t know
• Isn’t toxic or manipulative

This is all

I can’t speak for other guys but these are things that are important to me & what I care about. See also

What would my type of girl be looking for in a guy?

What is a stereotypical ‘modern western woman’?

When I hear the term ‘modern woman’ thrown about, what comes to my mind is largely negative connotations. Here’s a few things that come to mind when I hear the term ‘modern woman’;

• Focused on superficial things over important things
• Having very rigid criteria of what they want in a partner
• Not willing to get to know people halfway
• Arrogant
• Entitled
• Judgemental
• Lacking empathy; ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes & see things from their situation
• Makes a song and dance about ‘strong and independent’, ‘don’ need a man’ to the point where they appear inhuman
• Acts as if their looks gives them the right to be an awful person (bimbo-ism)
• Wears a resting bitch face/perma-scowl/rarely smiles
• Has that ‘I’m too good for everyone’ inflated ego attitude; why would I talk to you, what have you got for me?
• Believes being feminine & sweet is & kind is weak*
• Tries to justify bad behaviour instead of ‘what can I do differently?’
• Think they’re shielded from criticism & feedback (calls critics misogynists or woman haters)
• Glued to her phone all the time

I’m sure those are things some of you are aware of that men don’t find attractive in women.

Conclusion

Avoid being the stereotypical ‘modern western woman’, what can you do differently? Many of the traits I’ve listed above are too common among 20’s-30’s women from England and America.

See also

Characteristics of sweet girls

What are my biggest turn-ons and turn-offs in women?

Ingredients to getting a girlfriend

Imagine meeting someone one day

• Who’s attractive & I fancy
• Who’s super easy to talk to, has loads in common
• Who enjoys being around me (or even shows signs of interest)
• Who’s single as well!

And..

• Who I don’t fuck-it up with by ‘oh my god, this is the one, I have this one golden opportunity!’ (clever trick)

^The chances of that happening are like finding an Earth-like planet

You need to go to places

• Where there’s likely to be single women your age group (or people you can meet them through)
• Where you can meet people of similar values and interests who you’re likely to form connections with
• Where you can get to know people over time in a low-pressure environment
• Where you can meet the sorts of women who’re likely to be attracted to guys you like me

^There’s currently a chronic shortage of places like that

See also; characteristics of good social opportunities

And also put measures in place to maximise the chances of someone finding you attractive

You need to become absolutely perfect, near superhuman, you’re not allowed to be a work in progress (just kidding). OK try not to be overwhelmed by all the eligibility criteria you need to meet for having women attracted to you being a possibility. Gosh, all the criteria that you must meet for that to be a possibility. Do you feel overwhelmed and discouraged yet? More on this later.

See also

Good nice vs. bad nice

Wouldn’t it be nice if more women were looking for these things in a guy?

Instead of superficial nonsense like height, status and money. If only more women were looking for these

• Someone they could be themselves around
• Someone who accepts them for them
• Someone who has things in common
• Someone who’s humour you can enjoy
• Someone they can trust
• Someone that makes them feel safe
• Someone responsible
• Someone who respects their boundaries
• Someone who’s there for you like a good friend
• Someone who wants similar things in life as you
• Someone who gets on with your friends and family

^If only more women were looking for those qualities in a guy. At least these are achievable and don’t require one to be a semi-immortal superhuman to achieve (or at least can be found if willing to take the time to find out).

I think those are realistic standards (for women)

Don’t write people off because they’re not the hottest, richest, most ambitious when you first meet them (doing so is as bad as the guy who approaches a group of girls and only talks to the ‘hottest’ girls and IGNORES everyone else). Be more open-minded and willing to take the time to get to know people.

I’m not saying ‘lower your standards’ as in ‘go after what you’re not attracted to’ (for women)

I’m not saying go for what you’re not attracted to. I am saying be a bit more open-minded and WILLING to get to know people halfway. What you want is a a good friend that you also fancy romantically! Stop being so .. f-ing shallow!

In conclusion

If only more women were concerned about those sorts of things rather than looking for thrill of the chase (those types I’m not into) it would be so much better. If I saw those things mentioned above were appreciated, I’d be more motivated. Complaints of shallowness are common from single men and single women alike. On the flip side, what do women wish guys were looking for in a girl? It’ll be lovely to hear girls saying if only guys where looking for x, y, z. Let us know.

Common reasons people may not have had a relationship before

Not had a relationship yet? Worried that you’ll be single forever and never experience being love? Do you feel unwanted, undesireable or wonder what’s wrong with you & wonder whether there’s anyone out there who will find you attractive? Do you also worry that you’ll be judged and rejected when do meet a special someone? Let’s reassure you that it’s not because you’re too undesireable if you’re currently worried that there’s no-one & you won’t necessarily be judged by it. I’d like to reassure you that a lot of the reasons that have been applicable are relatable.

Common reasons and factors that may have been applicable

• Shy or socially-anxious when younger (directly hindered dating & indirectly through not having many friends to meet people through)*
• Going to a same sex school
• Having a small social circle and limited opportunity to meet people/meeting people through your friends hasn’t been an option (biggest barrier to meeting people)*
• Being in lines of work that don’t give you much social opportunity through adulthood
• Living in a small town; lack of clubs, meets and things to meet new people
• Avoidance of online dating
• Most the one’s you have fancied (few and far between due to the above) have been taken
• One’s who’ve been interested in you (few and far between due to the above) are people you’ve not been interested in

Even if you’ve had crushes and love interests (few & far between)

• Most have been people who’re spoken for (gee that’s unlucky)
• Perhaps you were too shy to pursue those people you have had interests in (e.g. asking out)
• You had that problem ‘OMG this is the one, and been totally unable to be yourself (what can be done differently next time?)

Conclusion

The truth is they are out there, you are a catch to the right people. If you’re worried ‘is there anyone out there who’d like someone like me’ the answer is ‘yes’. This is to show that a) your situation is not always a reflection of your desirability b) it’s nothing to be ashamed of, c) a lot of the reasons and factors are highly relatable & the right person won’t judge you d) If you have had romantic interests in the past that didn’t go very far, what can you do differently next time?

Originally posted Dec 25 2022, updated Nov 27 2023