Category Archives: Blogging

When comments are gone

When you follow conversations on sites you follow and see your replies are gone, you can’t help but feel a bit hurt, that what you said was rubbish, not worth listening to. It could always be a technical issues or not knowing the reader (I would like to believe) but there’s the disturbing possibility it’s not.

What’s happened?

Just looked at conversations and seen that a lot of my recent comments and replies are not visible/gone. I was looking forward following-up with recent conversations.

I will NEVER delete comments from my sites (who’s got time?)

Even if they’re comments that might affect my viewership. I’m not focused on views, likes & nonsense, I’m here to share my experiences. I will value any input (excepting nasty sarcasm and trolling).

If you’ve suffered from social anxiety and been chronically lonely

I’m talking about multiple sites I follow, not just social anxiety. You damn well know how signs of dislike can rock you & confirm everything you may have been thinking, make you feel like you’re a shit person not worth listening to, that you have nothing going to you, that will always be the case. I hope that’s widely-related to.

It is worse than being openly insulted

Being told you’re a fucking cunt to your face and that no-one will ever want to be your friend and no-one will like you is not as hurtful as having comments removed that you’d want to return to and carry on with. Indifference is worse than insult.

If you’re guilty (updated within hours)

That’s fine, don’t go editing and re-instating comments FFS! Don’t feel bad if you have done! We all make those mistakes. I see the ‘bigger picture;

  • That one or two signs of dislike ultimately don’t mean much and are not a gauge to how well I do socially (meeting people int he first place).
  • There will always be people who value my work

You’re not responsible for the feelings of recipients

You’re not responsible for my or any other blogger’s feelings, just bear in mind

  • if you wear on the receiving end, put yourself in shoes

Motives for bad behaviour

If such behaviour has occurred the most likely explanation is finding the comment too deep (I’m not good at keeping things simple).

If I receive criticism..

It’s more than welcome, I’d rather have it delivered openly in the form of comments or recommendations rather than subtly. I’m tough enough to take open criticism, what I hate is indirect criticism; indifference (many will relate). Calling people names and telling them they’re shit is not nearly as hurtful as ignoring. Yes, being insulted and called names is hurtful but isn’t as bad. Giving feedback is better than giving none at all (I’m not desperate).

The aim

I’ve got great content that people will find helpful, I would like to link it up, show it to mates on my phone, to others, to employment services, to mental health services. https://neverinsilence.wordpress.com/

“you need a thicker skin” (I’ve been in your situation, I’ll cope with it better than you, you’re a pussy)

I thought this one would come up. Everyone’s had times in their lives when they’ve been isolated, not had many friends & been crazy for approval (if that hasn’t applied at least at one point in your life or you have no reference point, you’re an inhuman, electronic, hydraulic-muscled robot). This is a topic that deserves an article.

SILLY THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO STOP ME!

No-one who says you should do it this way, that way is going to stop me. As of writing there are things in the pipeline that are pending, tens of things (only thing stopping me is the need to get things researched). A lot of the posts you’ll see are in fact sheet format, except ‘rants’ and ‘personal’ categories. No amount of social pressure will make me give up, try it! Whether that’s the aim (to get people to give-up) or an unintended side effect (likely) that’s not going to stop me chucking out articles.

To round off

Honestly it can be pretty hurtful when you look at conversations you’ve contributed to and see your replies are gone. Don’t panic if you have deleted comments, just bear in mind you too could be on the receiving end. There could be an ego element, the thought that I’m too good to be leaving comments on other people’s sites or people who comment are plebs, I totally understand. Hopefully my worst fears are not confirmed, it could be part of the reader not being understood by me or working properly (I hope). I will leave this up because this situation can be genuinely hurtful & send people on a downer (only a hydraulic, mechanical machine with millions of friends won’t be rocked). Deleting comments, especially if you’ve found them helpful or liked them, not acceptable behaviour. The person on the other end is human like you. I’m not a teacher though some of this article might sound like a telling-off. It’s not, it’s all about being on the receiving end. Like a student and a teacher, I’m willing to learn.

Don’t worry about traffic and views (patience)

Hello and good day.

Today’s post is to express that you shouldn’t be relying on your blog for validation, specifically aimed at people who’re lonely. If you’re lonely & don’t get out much it’s very easy to get caught up in the trap of checking social media, your emails, forums and also your own blog for views, likes, comments etc. The main point here is, don’t rely on your blog for that.

Focus on the right things, the original reasons; what did you want when you set the blog up? I guarantee you it was not views, likes and comments.

For me it was to put ideas out there that I keep in journals and put them in a place that is publicly visible that people can stumble upon. I set up mine to treat life as a social study.

I also set up mine because;

  • I think I can offer better advice to shy people than ‘just get out there’, ‘just be more confident’, just be yourself’ & all the other bollocks & think it’s unacceptable that even professional counselors can’t give better advice
  • I’ve also covered the ways of meeting people & the various pros and cons of each avenue which might shed a lot of insight into why so many people are lonely
  • I think the whole ‘depression is an illness’ thing is a load of rubbish; depression (losing motivation & interest) is a sign that our lives are not working and it’s all getting too much (e.g. our needs are not well-met enough, we’re wilting like a plant that hasn’t been watered), see my pages on ‘depression’
  • I think the disease model of addiction is a load of rubbish too; addictions are learned patterns, see my pages on ‘problem drinking’

You’ve got your thoughts to show your mates

The great thing about blogs is, if you’ve got insights you can share and link to at your fingertips when the mind goes blank or you can’t recall them. You can bypass that hydraulically-powered stopper in your brain that prevents you from recalling things. You’ve got your insights to show to your friends.

That be all

Don’t be discouraged if you’ve put your heart and soul into making a post and you hear nothing, especially if you made a post previously you thought was mediocre that had some views, likes or comments. STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!

 

Computer vs. paper notebook

In some ways I think writing notes in a ring binder can be more convenient than using word processing software and making draugts on forums and blogging platforms.

With I.T. you’ve got the nonsense of booting up your machine, logging in to your operating system, opening your browser, logging into the sites then writing. This might make you forget. With a notebook or ring-binder, you just have to flip it open and have a pen or pencil handy (if you’ve got your notes organized in categories with dividers, sorted).

With using ‘hard’ writing techniques, you might not have things organized in the order as and when they come out. You’ll have to shuffle things about to categorize them later.

With a notebook or ring-binder, you just flip it and voila. With IT, getting to the category you want in some ways might not be as ergonomically-friendly as the old systems.

Digital and hard ways both have pros and cons.

How do I draught posts?

Posts in the categories ‘rants’, ‘personal’ are written impromtu, not draughted in any way; fueled by how I’m feeling when I write them. Of the posts in some of the other categories, some have been draughted in hard form, some electronic. I’ve noticed two types of posts that have gotten views and likes; those that were written in the moment, & those written as an extension to notes of facts in hard form.

Keep a notebook handy all the time

You’ve got it spat out, no fear of forgetting it, you know where it is. At least you don’t have to worry about people viewing or commenting. You don’t have to worry about the system playing up or the Internet playing dirty tricks on you. You can edit at a later date. Don’t rely on I.T. Don’t depend on it!

When you have slow traffic, don’t get discouraged

Slow traffic? Wondering why you don’ get views, we’ve all been there (I certainly hope so). Anyway, that’s not the topic, the topic is something I Googled up when searching for an explanation. The reason I set this blog up was not to get views, but as something with insights that I could show other people on overcoming social anxiety as will be explained in my ‘about’ page. I see it as an extension to the blog functions you get on forums with a few more tools at my disposal. A space where my insights and thoughts would be visible. Nevertheless, one part of you does care what people think even if it’s something that’s not originally important.

Anyway, when searching around, I found one of those articles titled along the lines of ‘x reasons why you don’t get traffic’,one of the bold points/reasons in this article was;

  • ‘because your content sucks’

Most (decent) people reading this would agree that saying something like that is a pretty hurtful and discouraging thing to say. Saying things like that can make people feel like giving up on any endeavor. There is absolutely no way way I would say that to anyone if I was giving feedback or explaining likely reasons why a problem is so. If the person writing that thinks they’re in such a position to give advice, mentor and teach others, they wouldn’t be that thoughtless and tactless to their audience would they? There’s only one reason why a so-called expert would be that thoughtless;

  • his popularity and click count is more important than the advice he gives

I hate to be so blunt, but reading that article made me cross. Clearly the guy who wrote it had an massive ego and was obviously more concerned with popularity than the actual quality of the advice he was giving or his audience. If I was a blogging expert (or giving advice on any topic) and wanted to illustrate common problems, I wouldn’t want my readers to feel like giving up.

This blog is largely focused on overcoming social anxiety, conversation and overcoming roadblocks to meeting people. There’s absolutely no way, shape or form I’ll say things like ‘don’t be shy and weird’, ‘your social skills suck’. I look into things such as what makes conversation difficult, what gets in the way of basic social skills and what can be done. Substance and quality is more important than click bait.

Did you actually pay attention?

Yes of course. There’s two arguments, the same advice that’s available in articles worded like that is also available from countless other articles and youtube channels and secondly, giving advice does not give you a license to be a tactless git.

Never let the bastard grind you down

There’s absolutely no way I’m giving up blogging and I certainly hope that anyone who reads this who’s been in a similar position keeps going. By all means, listen to good balanced feedback by all means, but don’t let thoughtless, tactless advice put you off. There’s too many shallow people out there who have no consideration what-so-ever for their audience, just don’t be one of them.

I’ve noticed something, once people get popular, be it blogs or youtube channels, they get drunk on views and popularity, becoming tactless to their audience being one manifestation of this, the quality of content become generic and boring being another. This probably explains why most the stuff you get on your Google results tends to be shallow rubbish and the stuff you add to your bookmarks tends to be found after more dedicated searching and following links (well for me that is).

Oh, and BTW, Feedback on this blog more than welcome, as long as it’s balanced. Don’t feel you can’t give feedback in light of what was just said. I won’t bite your head off. Also, if you’ve started a blog and your traffic is slow, you’re wondering why, don’t feel discouraged, ask for the right help. Don’t let thoughtless feedback throw you, any sound advice worth following contained within is almost certainly also available from more thoughtful people.

Cheers