If anyone you know is unhappily single and has complaints about it, or they’re losing hope about finding love, worrying about whether they’ve got something wrong with them, instead of defaulting to platitudes such as ‘no-one will love you unless you love yourself’ try instead to find out a few details about their situation. You WILL make them feel better.
Do they have much of a social life?
It’s one thing being single, but another kettle of fish to not even have a social life. If their social life is slow & they’re socially-isolated as well, then that can be sheer misery. Find out whether they spend too much time on their own or whether they at least have a social life and friends to meet up with. Many may complain about being single when really they’re socially-isolated & their social life is slow. They may not be in a rush to get in a relationship but may have worries as to whether a relationship will be a possibility for them in future. The thing is such worries are many times worse when isolated.
Do they have any opposite sex friends?
It’s infinitely better & less painful to have regular opportunity to mix with and hang out with people of the opposite sex. If people are complaining about being single. I can tell you having that sort of social life vs. not makes being single significantly less painful. Just hanging out socially with people of the opposite sex can be far more fulfilling than not at all.
How often do they get to meet new people?
A major factor affecting the pain of being single is the degree of social opportunity we have and how many doors are open to us to meet new people. If you have a limited, dead-ended social circle whereby everyone you know doesn’t know many people and you rarely or never get to meet new people, then you’ll feel like doors are closed & have less grounds to believe you’ll meet someone. If on the other hand we have regular opportunities to meet new people and get into new social circles then there is a certain sense of assurance and excitement that we might meet someone new just round the corner. We have more grounds to believe that ‘you never know who you’ll meet’. This can profoundly affect how painful being single feels.
How much control do they feel they have over their social circumstances?
Another major reason we fear we’ll never find love stems from how much of a sense of control over our social circumstances & over opening doors to meet new people. If you only get to meet new people very heat death of the universe you’d want to get into social circles that have more connections & that give you more opportunity. Sometimes we can feel that we have a lack of control over taking steps to changing this. It might be helpful to help find out what might be getting in the way of expanding in their social circle, what’s stopping them from taking steps.
Understanding the fear of never finding love
There are four simple steps to finding a partner, three of which the same as making friends, the additional one being if you’re attracted to & fancy someone, you need to express it & show it. In summary;
1. Put yourself in places to find some potential partners
2. Start conversations, find common ground & connection
3. If you hit it off & enjoy someone’s company arrange to hang out and get contact details
4. if you’re also interested in them romantically then express the fact that you like them that way
When you hear someone fancies you, you naturally feel more curious and interested in them, especially if it’s from someone who is is cute or hot to you. If you let them know & they also feel the same about you, then fantastic, things will take off from there & love will grow. If not, oh well, there will always be someone else. Wait, what grounds have I got to believe that it’s possible?
A major reason people fear never finding love is that they may feel a) they have a lack of control over their opportunity to meet potential partners (what this post is addressing) b) They’re worried about whether it’s possible for someone attractive of the opposite sex to find them attractive, whether such interest being reciprocated will be a possibility only if they drastically change their personality, whether the changes they might need to make are realistic. More on that in a future post.
Conclusion; good & bad practice
Good practice; sending used engine oil to a hazardous waste site
Bad practice; tipping it down the storm drain
Good practice; find out more about their situation & don’t criticize. You WILL help people if you do this & brighten their mood.
Bad practice; tell an unhappily single person that they’re undateable, that that they’re zero value to people of the opposite sex, that they’ve got nothing going for them that a prospective partner will find attractive, tell them that they’re losers because they’re feeling lonely.