Identifying your social trouble-spots

The first step to becoming socially-confident is to identify the handful of specific areas you struggle with & want to improve in & also, those specific situations where you feel out of your depth & your specific sources of anxiety and discomfort within those situations. This article is to help you identify those things & is meant as a quick reference.

Part 1; Conversation trouble spots

This section covers settings & specific skill areas we find ourselves out of our depth in & that we might struggle with. Sometimes, not being sure how to handle various situations can be a source of anxiety.

Conversation trouble spots

These are problems we can run into when we’re in conversation. Here are some of the most common;

• Mind going blank
• Hitting awkward silences
• People talking about a topic you can’t contribute much to
• Dealing with unresponsive people

Specific tasks & skills we can find difficult

Do you find doing any of these things difficult? Which ones are they?

• Greeting
• Parting company
• Starting conversations with new people
• Ending conversations
• Answering small talk questions
• Self-disclosure
• Making eye contact
• Saying ‘no’
• Disagreeing
• Posing for a picture
• Having your picture taken
• Dancing
• Dealing with negative comments

Part 2; sources of social anxiety

Your ability to function and put conversation skills into effect is very heavily influenced by how at ease you feel. This section is to help you identify your specific sources of anxiety within those situations which might make the conversation strategies difficult to put into effect.

Common challenging social situations & settings

Which of these common situations do you find difficult & what do you find difficult about them?

• Group conversations
• One-to-one conversations
• Parties and other mingling-type settings
• When everyone else appears to be making friends faster than you
• Being amongst people who know each other
• Situations where dancing is expected (bars, clubs, parties)

Sources of discomfort & anxiety within social settings

Within those situations we feel uncomfortable, there’s usually a gandful of specific anxieties on our mind. Here are some of the most common;

• The thought that people are looking at you
• The fear of being seen as ‘quiet’ (mostly applies to group and mingling settings)
• Being in a conspicuous position
• Being the center of attention
• Not knowing what to do or how to act, feeling out of your depth (talked about in part 1)

Types of people we commonly feel nervous around

Many people report they feel anxious around the following types of people. Which ones do you find you feel nervous around and why?

• People own own age/young people
• Highly confident and outgoing people
• People in positions of authority
• People who seem well-rounded, accomplished and intelligent
• Rough, tough and edgy people
• People we find attractive

For more info click here

Your task

Find out which areas you find most difficult & what you find most anxiety-provoking about social situations. Target your effort on those one or two of the most troublesome things from the above list at a time.

*NOTE. follow-up articles & links to each bullet point will be will be added in future. I hope at least this will give you a framework for finding out what your social trouble spots are